ARTIFACT: Hugh Everett the Third's Vacuum Tube (no, seriously)

[reactivates]

With the ever-expanding inventory that the warehouse has, not to mention the suddenly expanding staff, having just two computers in the office was not going to cut it anymore. And so it was that Claudia did begin her begging, and pleading, and complaining, and other such tactics to try and convince her ever-so-cheap boss that at least one new computer was absolutely necessary otherwise the whole world may fall in upon itself and the only remaining survivor would likely be Artie's eyebrows because goodness knows those things have got to be indestructible. (Good at the overdramatic, but not so great at the "flattery gets you what you want" angle.)

After many days of the begging, and pleading, and complaining, and other such tactics, finally an agreement was made. According to Artie, a brand new computer wasn't in the budget, however if Claudia could find an old computer for relatively cheap to buy somewhere, she was allowed to attempt to "spruce it up" ("You mean upgrade? It's called upgrading, Artie.") so long as she could also do so for "cheap".

Finding an old computer for pretty cheap was easy enough, but Claudia ran into a bit of a snag when it came to the parts. Not in that she couldn't do the job, she'd "spruced up" and fixed plenty of old gadgets before... It was finding the things she needed to do the job. More specifically, one thing. A vacuum tube. (Seriously, a vacuum tube. Not using the term "old computer" loosely here, not one bit.)

Now, one would think, after all the "incidents" she's been through since her first days at the warehouse (not to mention all the horror stories Artie's told or partially-told), she'd know not to go messing around with artifact technology to "spruce up" her new (OLD) computer. Buuuut... "Desperate times call for desperate measures", and all that. Besides, what harm could a vacuum tube bring, really? Artifact or not... IT'S A VACUUM TUBE.

Eventually, and we'll not discuss how long it took after the initial begging and pleading, the job was done. The "computer" (and Claudia will only ever refer to it with quotation marks because despite her best work, the thing is still gonna run like it was built out of a vacuum tube and really slow dust bunnies) was finished. And after all that, looking at the disgrace of a machine, Claudia does not have the heart to even turn it on.

She stares at it, and sits. Stands. And sits. And stands. And, finally, from her spot, slumped over on a desk in the office of the warehouse, she calls for emotional support...

"ARTIE!!"

Comments

[artemismaximus]

[Artie, despite jokes and allegations to the contrary, is not deaf. And he's just in the other room, looking at some archives. So a normal tone of voice would have worked just fine, thank you very much. He walks out of the record room with a large, dusty binder, and a scowl.]

Unlike some people, I haven't deafened myself with excessively loud music being blared directly into my eardrums.

[He's actually impressed by what she managed to put together--although he won't say any such thing, of course. It'd ruin their game.]

Now what is it?

[reactivates]

[For that comment, Artie will receive a somewhat miserable glare, before she sighs and points to the machine in front of her.] I can't even look at it. You turn it on.

And the WH13 music and credits would totally play after this tag.

[artemismaximus]

[He scowls at her, eyebrows (which are perfectly normal and not bushy, thank you very much) furrowing at her.]

You called me away from my research for that?

[He mutters something under his breath that might be about young people with no respect for their elders, and goes to the computer, taking a moment to locate the 'on' switch. When he does, he presses it.]

There. That wasn't so--

[Suddenly, the room around them vanishes and he finds himself standing in a waiting room of some kind.]

Hard.

[Oh.]

[unconnected]

[Meanwhile, one floor up and several feet away, Claudia wakes up in her bed and bolts to her bedroom door to the sound of people barreling down the hallway on the other side. She opens the door just a crack to watch a handful of night guards heading toward the stairs. She notices across the hall a few other people in pajamas peeking out their doors, though not many, as this scenario isn't unprecedented. She mouths to one of the others:] Someone got up and wandering downstairs?

[The blonde woman across the hall from her shrugs, and shuts her door. Claudia decides to do the same, then turns around to look at her room. There are post-it notes everywhere on her walls and furniture, along with a few pictures here and there... mostly ones that have obviously been torn apart and carefully taped back together. She sighs as she glances to the calendar, where the next day not crossed off has written in red: "GROUP THERAPY!"] ...and now I won't be able to sleep and will look like a total basket-case to everyone. Again. Great. [She flops down face-first onto her bed with a small groan.]

--

[Back downstairs, the dimly lit waiting room Artie's just poofed into is pretty much empty. There's a large, very-locked door behind him (as evident by the padlock and chains), rows of chairs on either side... And directly in front is a long desk with a sign labeling it "reception", flanked by two hallways.

If he listens closely, he could hear footsteps coming quickly down one of those hallways. The glow of a flashlight beam precedes the person, who, in the meager light, appears to be dressed in dark clothing and a cap. It's a guard. And by how fast he's heading down that hallway toward Artie, it's obvious he either heard him or saw him appear. (Though in fact, poor Artie, you tripped an alarm. Thank the artifact for poofing you where it did.)] Stay where you are!

[artemismaximus]

[Artie's mind is racing, and he puts his hands up. Since he hadn't been planning on being out on a mission today, he doesn't have any of his usual equipment--Farnsworth, Tesla, or his other bag of tricks (as he mentally calls it). So at the moment, his only defense is his mind.

Okay, possibilities. Clearly, he's been affected by an Artifact of some kind. Something that had been set off when he started that contraption of Claudia's. Clearly she had been tinkering with mixing artifacts and technology again. But unfortunately, there was no way to know if this was some kind of hallucination or if he'd been actually transported to a new place. At least the clothing seemed current enough. He hated time-related artifacts.

He makes a decision and allows his confusion to show (exaggerated) on his face.] Right, of course, sorry. Uh...where am I?

[unconnected]

[The guard answers immediately.] Silverwood Psychiatric Clinic. I'm going to have to frisk you. ID in your pocket?

[Suddenly, a few more guards rush in from the other hallways and the lights flicker on in the waiting room. Confirming what the guard has just told him are large silver letters on the wall above the reception desk: "Silverwood", and in smaller letters underneath "Psychiatric Clinic." The words would likely be familiar to him. It's the same place Claudia stayed for a few months before she found Artie.]

[artemismaximus]

Silverw--

[He shuts his mouth quickly, trying to hide the sign of recognition. He does know where this is; the question is why? Is Claudia here too? Maybe it had been a time-slide Artifiact...but what?]

Oh yes, of course.

[He takes out his ID. His South Dakota drivers' license proclaims him to be Artie Nielsen. He has a couple of credit cards, including a government credit card, which also has the IRS logo on it. In addition, he has a badge tucked inside that proclaims him to be a member of the Internal Revenue Service, archiving division.]